An Online Master’s Diary
I actually wrote Restwalker nearly daily for months before he became my slave. I had considered him more of a friend and fellow blogger for a long time, and when he did suddenly ask me to be a Master, I almost wasn’t sure I was in a place with him to do so. It actually took me a few days to come around to the idea. Which may be surprising, because he is nearly everything I’d ask for in a slave… young, cute, willing to do just about anything to humiliate himself, and loves feet, bondage, and gunge. A total win, right? But to me, it felt a bit like asking your best friend to be your boyfriend… there could be a change in dynamic, and possibly not for the better. Fortunately, so far, overall things have been great (thanks I think largely to the fact that we can still communicate as Equals). But as we were starting a new stage of our relationship, he asked me a very simple question: Why do I enjoy dominating guys?
This lead me to reply to him in an email as follows (edited a tiny bit–and forgive me as I quote myself):
…generally speaking, I actually consider myself way more submissive. Look at all the times I’m tied up in my blog. In terms of my BF, I am sub nearly 90% of the time. When I do top him, I’m surprisingly quiet. While we both enjoy bondage, I don’t feel a big sub/dom dynamic, not like a slave sort of way, and not like I do online. I’m not sure we entirely could, we just don’t really seem to work that way.
I can say one thing for sure… I only feel dom with younger guys. If there was someone my age or near my age, I probably wouldn’t feel a slave dynamic (which, now that I think about it, may be a factor with my BF and I). There’s something about having a young guy, who is eager to please and willing to learn, at your beck and call. And you know, now that I mention it, I think I take back one point: I think I could dom someone close to my age if they were a novice to slave or bondage play. They would have that same nervous anticipation. I also want to do to someone else what I wish was done to me at that age. It’s a bit of envy I have when people your age are so secure in what turns them on, when it took me well past college to figure it all out. So I can relive a bit of what I never had when I’m doming. There’s the obvious sense of having power and control. But here’s the strange, philosophical point for me: being a good dom ultimately means I’m being submissive to the slave.
I know that doesn’t seem to make any sense, and it’s hard for me to explain. But to me, a good dom has to fit the needs, desires, and limits of the slave, or else the slave isn’t really getting anything out of it. Even if it’s not the dom’s own personal desires. Therefore, the dom’s will is bent towards the slave, and all his demands, commands, and tasks, are shaped to the slave. The dom’s entire universe become about that slave, and how to force him to serve in a way this satisfies both. It’s a tricky dance, but I also enjoy that sort of challenge.
You didn’t ask, but I’m going to mention it anyway… I like it online best since I’m in a real life relationship, and one I genuinely care for. If there’s some distance between me and the slave, there’s less chance of any actual disruption to my real life relationship. There is also more security and self-esteem for me to it being online. In person, I’m not nearly as dominating, and I’m not self-confident enough to know if I’d be as good of a Master in person. But online, I can be a different person, and maybe the one I wish (or hope) to be one day.
Some of you may be surprised by that last part, but it’s true. In real life, I’ve never been in a true slave relationship, either as a slave or master. I have fantasized about it personally, and here via this blog. And while my relationship (and sex) with my BF is great, and I love him greatly, I wouldn’t call it a Master/Slave relationship. And aside from these online experiences, I never have had one.
I suppose that begs the question: would I like to have a real life slave one day? I guess I’d be lying if I said no, but I also realize that talking my BF into that is probably not easily achieved… as I’ve mentioned before, he is a very private person, and would not want a stranger to come into our lives like that. And I don’t know if it’s something I’d want to out without him. So realistically, it’s most likely never going to happen. But I suppose if the right guy came along, and I had a long time to prep my BF, there’s a very outside chance one day.