SBS_justin update & Self-reflection, Best Male Blogs and shamless plugs

So before you get scared with the length of this post, let me please first mention that I’d love it if you can vote for one or both of my blogs at Best Male Blogs.  Last time I checked, if you search under the “Fetish, BDSM, Kink” and sort by “Popularity”, this blog is in the Top 10.  But I’d love to see it recognized even more, especially with ratings   Being on the home page would be awesome!

I asked for a similar request just yesterday on my other blog, Captured Heroes, and look what happened!

That’s right–Top 5!  With Gaydemon being #1, I’m pretty proud.

Now, this blog gets twice as many viewers as Captured Heroes.  So I know a lot of you visit and enjoy.  Take a moment to support and vote now.

Lastly in the shameless plug category, don’t forget to do your holiday shopping via the links on my blog!  Even better, Mr. S Leather is having free shipping until December 18.  Take advantage of it now, even I think I’m going to buy a few things for myself!  And I’ve just added JT’s Stockroom, which was recently featured on an episode of American Horror Story.  I’ve been in that same location personally a few times!  It’s another great way to support what I do.

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Okay, now for the big post.  For those who don’t know, I had an amazing online slave for a while I named SBS_justin.  We had an online Master/Slave relationship that was somewhat intense for a couple of months, with highlights documented here on the blog.  Everything was going along well, until he encountered some personal problems in September (completely unrelated to me or anything we were doing), and I basically haven’t heard from him since. I would give him a very short “equal” email every 3-4 weeks, just to check in and wish him well.  He wrote once or twice in October, saying he’d write more soon, but nothing’s happened since. Well, just recently, I basically got word he’s no longer interested in any further communication.  No real explanation, it was quite abrupt.  While I’m quite surprised by the suddenness of it, I don’t have any hard feelings towards him.  I’m disappointed, but I do wish him the best.  Guess it just wasn’t meant to be, at least not for now.

This basically leaves me slaveless.  While I still do communicate with Restwalker, he’s busy on his own… and besides, he already has a great Master, so I’ve sort of relegated myself to being more of a friend.  While I miss slave play with him too (and perhaps we’ll resume occasional tasks in the future), in a way, it seems a bit more appropriate in the long run.

Part of me would love to have another one.  Part of me says I should just be more content with my boyfriend Sam.  It’s a bit strange, because I truly am extremely happy with him, and have no serious complaints.  We get along great not only on a fetish level, but also on the more vital personal, day to day life level.  We both have some very “geeky” non-fetish interests we both enjoy.  It’s a pretty rare match that I definitely love and appreciate.

But there’s one aspect that bothers me, which I’ve discussed a bit with him… outside of each other, we really don’t have a lot of close gay friends.  Let alone fetish community friends.  One big reason is time–we’re both so busy.  And some of it is just not being able to find guys we’d like to be friends with, particularly guys in our age range that still have our interests (fetish and/or otherwise).  So it puts me in the rather odd position of being very happy and content in a long term relationship, but also terribly lonely for outside connections and friendships.  Does that make any sense?

I suppose that’s what an online slave brings to me.  Sam sometimes scolds me, because I do have a habit of going overboard when I do meet up with someone.  I can get clingy and needy, and try too hard.  Perhaps that’s what happened with SBS_justin.  I think I’ve scared off a few people that way.  Ask Restwalker, I’d say I even went through it with him.  (Fortunately, he hung through, and I’m over it now.  Thanks for your patience, Dylann.)  And anyone remember me obsessing about Josh?  Not exactly a proud moment now, but it was true enough at the time.

What I envy with so many other people/profiles I run across–especially in the fetish/kink circles–is they all seem to know each other, and they have a great sense of openness and community.  And I’m sort of off here on an island, alone with my terrific partner.  While he is great, it’d be sometimes nice to get off the island once in a while, and speak with the natives.  Except in my case, the natives aren’t to be found.  At least, not yet.

One thing I should mention, before it begins to sound too grim.  All of you who do comment and email me… you really help make a difference, and I mean it when I say I appreciate it.  Maybe now you have a better understanding of why.  I guess it also explains my occasional bitchiness when I don’t get blog comments and/or feedback.

I did start this blog for myself, because I find all the things I post about hot.  But at this point… with nearly1,000 hits per day on average… there’s got to be a few of you out there I can communicate with.  Right?  And who knows, maybe there’s another twink online slave for me out there.  Hit me up if interested.  😉

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