Day: July 29, 2012

TFG Thoughts: FAGGOT!

“Fag” and “Faggot” are really loaded words.  Highly offensive to most gays, and rightly so.  I know I would never want to hear it uttered in most situations.  It’s one of the most hateful things a gay man can be called, and there’s usually no doubt that the person who uses it typically a homophobic asshole.  The psychological damage it can do to someone who hears themselves being called that can be very difficult to overcome.  And it’s probably the #1 associated word with vicious gay bashing attacks.

But something in the gay kink/fetish community says otherwise.  At least, one aspect of the kink community.  I started thinking about this more when I reblogged this pic from tumblr some time ago:

Now, I have to admit.  I found this initially quite hot, though I didn’t really pay attention to the words all that much.  It was the imagery and their connotations, mostly.  The sense of being a slave and being degraded are quite clear just through the pics alone.  But over time, I started noticing the “for fags” phrase more and more.  And I was realizing that within this context… it was pretty hot, too.

Why?  Why should I think that?

I think because of my chats with Restwalker and other people who like to be owned, slaved, humiliated and degraded, I found myself becoming attracted to that sort of play.  After all, it didn’t seem to be a big jump from enjoying being tied up and worshiping feet into feeling like a slave, and being treated like one.  Now, I always took that concept as doing humiliating things, such as the toilet water drinking above.  Being forced to lick feet.  Crawling on the floor on all fours.  Only speaking when spoken to.   Pup play (which, when you think about it, is also incredibly degrading, to reduce a person to something less than human). 

But then, when I was Doming online, I noticed a lot of slaves like to be told they’re worthless.  Useless.  Inferior.  Pathetic.  Essentially, verbal play.  Face it, a few of you are hard just reading this.  I won’t lie, I often got hard myself when calling them that.  They have to work that much harder to please their Master, and let’s face it… it’s usually never enough.  But even I never went to the “f” word.

Then, after working with one particular slave for a while, I realized how much he enjoyed being degraded and name-called.  I really started to think about other ways to get at him mentally.  And I surprised myself by crossing the line and calling a him a faggot.  I nearly regretted saying it immediately.  I remember being taunted with that word in high school, and all the negative feelings that came with it.  I don’t think I had ever said it so seriously in my life, let alone to another guy.  But I did.

And he liked it.

And (worse?), I liked calling him that.

Of course, we had already established that this was a mutually consensual scene, which makes all the difference.  Had it not been, it would have been completely inappropriate.  But ever since I did cross the line, I’ve noticed it popping up more and more in kink scenes.  Or maybe it’s always been there, and I’ve just become more aware of it.  Even many kinky tumblr blogs have fag or faggot in their title, have you noticed?

Does this, as well as the following images, offend you, or turn you on?

Undoubtedly, there are many of you who would think that even the kink scene shouldn’t be using it, or using it with caution.  I don’t disagree.  To be honest, my own BF is one of these people.  He would not be comfortable saying that, even within a scene, even if I wanted to be called that.  To him, it’s completely inappropriate and taboo, no matter what the circumstances.  And I do respect and understand that.  Most of you who feel that way are probably terribly offended by the images above.

But at the same time, I do think that if you have the right circumstances, and everyone is mutual about it, it can be somehow sexy.  You’re the ones who got a total hard on at the images above.  Even then, it’s not a word I use very often.  And only with guys I’ve known or spoken with for a while.  It’s not a word I use lightly.  Yet within the correct context, it does hold a certain power.  Perhaps the ultimate power.  And those who enjoy power exchange, it’s about as good as you can get, verbally speaking.

I also think it’s interesting that the kink community (because if anyone is using it, it’s us–I don’t think most vanilla gay relationships are saying it) is, in a way, empowering the word.  Owning it.  It’s like we’re saying, “Okay, haters.  You want to call us that?  Go ahead.  We can take it.”  Similar to how some people in the African American community can call each other the “N” word (although to be fair, there are many in the African American community who don’t approve of it’s use even then).

It just seems that, like it or not, it’s gaining in some popularity and acceptance in the kink culture.  Part of me says it’s a terrible thing, and it should be stopped.  Or at least used with great caution.  Part of me is so hopelessly turned on by it, I virtually seek it out.  Another part of me wonders if the guys who get turned on by this have other psychological problems that we’re only adding to?  Or is it really just part of a scene, and we can separate it as such–it’s just the verbal equivalent of putting on a collar and leash?

So what do you think, fellow kinksters?  Comment!  You must have some thoughts on this.