Day: December 16, 2012

TFG Thoughts: Role Reversal

Okay, this isn’t directly kink related.  But it does deal with juggling a kinky life with a non kinky one.

To do a very short summery of things I’ve already brought up about my personal life:  I love my kinky online friends, but I feel as if I have more of them than any regular, real life friends.  And that’s been a bit frustrating to both me and my BF… we’d both like to get out and meet more people, preferably gay guys/couples, and just socialize a bit.  And they don’t have to be kinky.  As much as a part of my life as it is, I have just as many non-kinky passions that I and my BF also like to explore.

That said, because of my blog, most emails and communications I get are from blog readers.  Don’t get me wrong, I love that.  In fact, I’ve recently been getting a number of very cool messages and meeting some very cool people.  I’m not afraid to share all my kinks, and I love hearing about others exploring them.  However, I’m rather guarded about my personal life.  There are a few things about me that, aside from my BF, only about 2 other kinky people know.  This is to protect my job as well as my BF’s privacy, which he takes very seriously.

What that adds up to is:  my default position is discuss kink very openly, but be cautious about personal stuff and career–and there are some things I just don’t talk about unless I’ve gotten to know you very well over years.

So here’s the switch.  Both me and my partner have actually recently meet a few guys on the social front.  One was at a party thrown by a vanilla ex-boyfriend, and the other was on Grindr.  Okay, I know what you’re thinking about that latter.  But I swear, I’m only on Grindr for two reasons:  1) to look at all the pretty pictures, and 2) the rare occasion where someone may be interesting as a friend only.  (I should note my Grindr profile makes no mention of my kinks whatsoever, only my personal life interests.)  Well, this guy fit into category #2, and so far, we are getting along pretty well.  And I’ve made it quite clear with all that this is a friend thing, not a hook up.  Since all parties involved so far are monogamous couples, there’s been no problem with that.

While this pretty awesome news, here’s the strange part… after all this time, I now have people where I can openly discuss my personal life, and I don’t dare say a word about my kink side.  Which is the exact opposite of my default position.  Now, who’s to say that in time, if these friendships work out and become substantial, I may reveal myself.  But until them, I get to live out the other side of a secret identity.  It’s an unusual switch for me, but a sort of welcome one for a change.  Does anyone else go through this?

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On a side note, the BF and I will be traveling out of town for the next few days.  There will still be posts going up, but there could be quite a delay if you reply to this or email me.  But I will get back to you as soon as I can.