TFG: Safety measures for first meets

We in the kink community like to “play”.  Via Recon, GearFetish, or other sites, we’ll chat with other like minded people, and there’s a connection, the next step is meeting up, generally with some fun times ahead.

If it is someone you don’t know well, and you don’t know much about their background, I’d strongly suggest meeting them in a public space first, such as a coffee shop, restaurant, or park.  Chat with them in person, and see if the vibe is still there.  If not, or you’re getting an odd vibe, don’t be afraid to say that you can’t go further at this time.  A bondage/slave session depends on a lot of trust, and are you willing to be tied up by someone you don’t feel good about?  It’s not out of the question to get tied up and then perhaps robbed or abused in ways you didn’t intend because they won’t respect your limits or safe word.  Not trying to make anyone paranoid… most people in this community are very respectful.  But not all, or one can have a weak moment.  At the end of the day, you have to be responsible for your own safety.

If a public meeting isn’t possible first, then I’d at least contact a trusted friend and let them know you’re going to meet someone, and where.  I know that may be difficult, but you don’t have to be too explicit with your friend.  You can say you’re meeting a business contact, or an old friend who’s in from out of town (which could be a good cover for a perhaps seedy hotel location that you’d be headed to).

Another option could be one I saw from the fantastic tumblr Leather.Bondage.Love., who mentioned a site called Kitestring.  You set up some emergency contacts.  Then if you go out, you set a time frame (which can be adjusted if needed).  At the end of the time frame, you will receive a text to yourself.  If you don’t reply to it in 5 minutes, then it will send out a text to your emergency contact saying something went wrong.  You can customize the message to say something else.  There are a few other options as well, and it’s all free.

Keep in mind that when setting up meets, people tend to be very flaky.  It’s not just you.  If it’s not someone you’ve already met or know very well, the cancellation rate is very high.  Some are people who get cold feet, who aren’t very serious about the kink scene in the first place, perhaps have second thoughts, or a schedule conflict at the last minute.   For a lot of people, it’s very hot to chat about it online, but when a real life meet may happen, it can be a bit overwhelming for some, and they realize they need to back out because they realize they’re not quite sure what they’re in for.  And they may or may not be considerate about it.  Happens to all of us, I assure you.  For every meet I’ve personally had, there have been at least two or more that didn’t work out.

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