When I visit many kink blogs, or listen to the No Safe Word podcast, I often hear the word “headspace” used. And I think it’s an interesting term, because while I feel I have a basic understanding for what it is, I can’t say I’ve experienced it very much. Even so, I’m going to attempt to define it as I percieve it. I’m sure people will disagree or feel I’ve missed the point, and I would like to hear from those people, because I am certainly not claiming a lot of direct knowledge. But I have to give the word some sort of definition.
In my mind, headspace refers mostly (but not necessarily exclusively) to a scene with strong roleplaying. And that, to me, includes Master/slave, Dom/sub, Handler/pup, Villian/hero, etc. It can come from verbal orders, but that’s not necessarily required. Rough and direct physical handling can accomplish it as well, without words. It’s when a scene essentially transcends to a point where you’ve blocked all else out, where you lose your own sense of self, and give yourself over to the moment, shutting out the outside world. You totally connect with your partner (or partners, if it’s a group scene), and/or feel a loss of control and being.
It can generally only be achieved with a great sense of trust with the person (or persons–but for example’s sake, let’s just assume it’s a two person scene) you are working with. After all, if you are giving up that much control of your own self, it means you have great faith in the other person. And I think generally (although again, there can be exceptions), it takes some time to settle into a headspace. To shut out the outside world: bills to pay, that visit to your parents, those dishes in the sink–that takes a while. It’s almost like a form of meditation.
For me, one of the few times I felt it was an occasion where my partner tied me to a chair, and then put a spandex blindfold hood on me that did have an open mouth. He left me there for a while, teasing my body over a period of time. Eventually, he thrust his cock in my mouth and fucked my face. And I remember thinking to myself, “I’m nothing but a hole. Just a hole for his pleasure.” And it got me rock hard.
What about you? What do you think headspace is? Do you agree with my definition? And what’s one of the best experiences you’ve had with it? Contact me and let me know!