I got a very kind reply to my earlier post about staying hard during a scene (and my occasional difficulty in doing so). With his permission (and name redacted), I’m sharing it below:
You are a great kink muse. It is so refreshing to have thoughtful commentary on all of this crazy stuff we do instead of just a bunch of pictures only. Thank you!
To the question at hand, I think it is partially a function of age and stress. Wait till your in your mid fifties, it is even more challenging! I have had the same problem since when bound or being flogged or whipped I will lose my erection after a bit and this causes my play partner to think I am not enjoying myself or It confuses him as to what he should be doing to keep me aroused. Like you, regardless of the state of my cock, I continue to enjoy myself even if the most apparent sign is missing. Aside from the issues with my partner, I have come to terms with it.
I like long bondage sessions and fairly intense floggings and whippings as well as heavy domination. While this is the subject of all of my jerk off fantasies and I still do so at least twice a day, when in a scene something else occurs that transcends normal sexual arousal. I go into deep subspace, I am completely relaxed and lose all track of time. My last two play sessions were 4 hours each and they felt like an hour. When I am so relaxed, I am not even aware of whether I am hard most of the time and I am usually blindfolded. It does not seem to matter to me, even though we all do these things for sexual pleasure. But I am finding the pleasure transcends an erection and in some ways is so much deeper and more primal. I would have never thought I would evolve to this.
I really believe that I feel so good bound, beaten and dominated that it takes me some where else and in such a state of deep relaxation and contentment that I am fulfilled. I tell my partner it is like a massage with a vengeance.
Like you I would rather be hard all the time to avoid confusing my partner as I don’t think he really can understand where he is talking me or that I am getting pleasure. He is a top and his play priority is to be hard and orgasm while he plays with me. I am also finding pleasure in servicing him without considering my own arousal. I just keep telling him I am enjoying myself or I would not come back for more.
I do find that when I top I am able to maintain an erection because it is part of the goal of topping and playing with the sub, my sexual pleasure. When I am the sub I seem to be moving deeper into submission beyond needing a constant erection.
I am glad you brought the subject up because I have thought about it often and this gave me the opportunity to articulate my feelings.
I thought this was a very well written, thoughtful reply, and it made me glad to realize I’m not the only one going through issues like this. If you have more to say about this or other topics, feel free to contact me!
On a very different note, I thought it would be nice to have a gallery here on the blog that highlights some of my own personal Dom work with subs. I’ve had the pleasure of working with many hot guys besides my husband. Please enjoy it here, or you can find it in the menu under About TFG > TFG’s subs.
Since I was at it, I also updated a couple of new pics of myself to my own gallery, including a preview of a post to cum. Find it here.
Lastly, I don’t have this done yet, but I’m working on a page that shows the gear we own: gags, restraints, toys, and lycra. That one might take a while to put together, though. We have so much gear, even we don’t know them all!