Category: tips

TFG Thoughts:  The Start of a Scene

TFG Thoughts: The Start of a Scene

I was talking with a self-confessed newbie on Recon, when he brought up this question, as with my response:

I think this is a great question, and it’s good to get this info out there.  This is my general policy, especially when meeting a person for the first time.  Communication is so very important for everyone to enjoy a scene.  And even if there has been a lot of messaging beforehand, in person talk is still important, as you can find out more face to face and be very direct.  Sometimes, what people say online can be misinterpreted.

I want to further elaborate that when I say “discuss what we will and won’t do”, that’s a discussion for both the sub and Dom to state their limits and preferences.  Doms can have limits, too.  In my case, I won’t do any anal at all.  Also not into the idea of sounding or electro (even as a Dom).  I love the idea of flogging, but I have no experience in it, so I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it. 

When working with someone who is new to kink, I will often check in with them during the scene to make sure they are doing okay, if they are enjoying themselves, as well as ask if there’s anything else I could do to them (or not do if they didn’t like something).  Yes, it can sometimes sound a bit like a customer service survey.  I try to keep it brief.  But it’s worth it to know the sub has an opportunity to express how they’re feeling about the scene without repercussions.  I do try to read body language, but everyone reacts differently, so it can be difficult to gauge with certainty. 

Now, if you’re meeting with someone you already know, or have excellent references for, this process can be greatly abbreviated.  But even then, I still will check in a bit.  People can grow and change their preferences, and what was once taboo for them may have grown as an interest after all.  Or vice versa, where they tried something and found it wasn’t for them.   So updates are always important.  Never assume.

I think this is something important that often becomes overlooked in many kinky blogs.  And I can’t lie, the abstract idea of being taken against one’s will without “consent” can be a hot one… as a fantasy.  However, it can be entirely a different thing in reality, and if not careful, can potentially lead to some unpleasant situations. Unless you already know and really trust the Dom, I think it’s generally best left to fantasy.

If the Dom doesn’t want to communicate with you and answer your questions, it may be best to move on.  It’s important you feel comfortable, and if you’re not, don’t put yourself in a situation where you feel unsure (in a bad way). 

TFG Tips:  My nipple play techniques

TFG Tips: My nipple play techniques

My husband is one whose nips are hard wired to his cock.  Fortunately for him, I seem to never get tired playing with tits.  He likes some fairly intense play, and when I’ve done scenes with others, many have commented that my nipple play can be quite intense.  I thought I’d share a few of my techniques.

My husband is camera shy, so I’m demonstrating with a wooden dowel.  Not as sexy, but on the other hand, it does allow to see from a good angle.

  1.  It’s not what you do, it’s how you do it.  When one thinks of nipple play with hands, obviously, one’s first instinct is to pinch between the thumb and forefinger–which is fine (although I feel there is a better way below).  One secret is to add as much variety as possible: 
  • Pinch in rhythms… both random and in patterns. 
  • Or keep a long, sustained squeeze that doesn’t let up.  Alternately, maybe let up gradually, only to suddenly get intense. 
  • With two nips, the tendency is to squeeze both the same… but you can play with each one in different patterns.
  • Change the angle.  If you’ve pinching them flat, release them, then pinch them vertically.  And don’t forget diagonally/45 degree angles!

In addition to pinching and squeezing, don’t forget to add tugging/pulling, and twisting.  Using the first two fingers and thumb is ideal for both.

Twist and twirl… although check in with you sub to make sure he’s responding to it positively.

2.  There’s something better than fingers.  My favorite technique, and the one that gets the most response from my husband, is when I squeeze his nipples between my knuckles.  Using the first knuckle tends to be a bit more gentle, but if you use the second knuckle, the intensity amps up.  I’ve also found it seems easier to control when using the knuckles to pinch, especially the second knuckle.

Pinching the nipple between the first knuckles.
Pinching the nipple between the second knuckles.

Keep in mind all the varieties mentioned above:  pinch in rhythms, patterns, random, sustained, and tug. But in addition:

  • You can knead them, like a ball of clay or dough trying to make a ball.  If the nipples are small, that may be more difficult, but my husband’s nipples are on the larger side, so they are ripe for kneading… and his moans indicate his enjoys it a lot.
  • Rub them back forth, as if rolling or twirling them.
  • It’s so important, I’m going to state it again:  Change the angle.  If you’ve pinching them flat, release them, then pinch them vertically.  And don’t forget diagonally/45 degree angles.  It seems even more effective with knuckle pinching.

3.  Less is more.  The other best tip:  sometimes releasing them and giving them a rest period makes the next time you play with them even more sensitive.  Between my nip abuse, I often will massage them by pressing my thumbs into them and rubbing, or running the backs of my fingernails back and forth across them rapidly.  Having a rest period lets the blood seep back into them, meaning any future work will feel even more intense with less effort, as they will be more sensitive.  Pacing can be everything.

4.  Fun with clamps.  Obviously, using tit clamps is an option.  Some fun you can have with clamps:

  • Pull on the chain (if connected).  Pull at various angles: out, down, up.
  • Add weights to the chain.  Standard sized padlocks are ideal.
  • Connect the chain to something.  One of the most intense experiences my husband told me I did to him is once I had him tied standing up, facing a pole.  And I put the tit clamps around the pole, so if he leaned back, it’d only pull them harder.  They can also be connected to a gag or a chest harness.
  • Pull them with a vibrator, such as a Hitachi Magic Wand.  Or put the vibrator right on the tits, clamped or not!
  • As stated above, take them off from time to time, let them rest, then reapply them.  Preferably at a different angle.  Really, this can create more intensity than just leaving them on for an extended period.  Trust me.

Keep in mind that tolerance will vary from person to person, so be watching the sub carefully for their response and/or check in with them from time to time and see what they’ve enjoyed the most (and least!).   Some can take a lot, and some not as much.

Hope that gives you some ideas!  I have an entire tag on my blog called “tips” if you want to see other ideas I have or have run across over the years.  It’s a small list so far, but I’m hoping to increase it!  And if you have other ideas for creative nipple abuse, let me know!

 

 

Updated Hotel & Travel Tips-2017 edition

Updated Hotel & Travel Tips-2017 edition

Back in 2014, I posted about some tips I had about doing a scene in a hotel room. Thought I’d re-present it, along with a few new illustrative pics of mine, and a minor UPDATES.


So I imagine many of us had to use hotel rooms for bondage play.  And sometimes, nothing like a semi-seedy looking hotel can add to the hotness.

But often, the bondage opportunities can be lacking.  I think many of us have been disappointed by seeing this sight under a hotel bed, a rather common one in cheap rooms.

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A solid box frame, all the way to the floor. Creating absolutely no possible tie down points to the bed.

Now, it is possible to buy a full under the bed bondage frame.  Fort Troff also sells one with slightly higher quality restraints included–visit here and search for “under bed” and it will come up.  And if you have the budget (thought they’re not really that expensive, about $50-$60), and the space in your bag to pack it, that would be the most ideal solution.

But in the “why didn’t I think of this sooner” category, it dawned on me that by using a couple of 12 foot lengths of rope slid between the mattress and the box spring, you can create your own frame of sorts.  It’s not perfect, as it could possibly be moved around by an especially squirmy victim, but it will do in most situations, and I’ve never had too much of a problem with it.  The weight of the mattress and the person on it keeps it pretty well in place.  You would weave as many ropes as you’d like to create all the tie down points you need.  And then when finished, you can remove the ropes and put them to use in other positions.

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I try to have about equal amounts of rope showing on each side of the bed.

Another aspect of cheaper hotels I like is that they often have these “open closets” that invite some interesting overhead bondage opportunities.  And sometimes there will be space underneath a sink counter to “store” a slave, which could be quite humiliating.  Not to mention the bondage position possibilities in a bathroom and tub.

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FeatherTicklish, in a solo session

I always try to scout out pics of the rooms beforehand with a little bit of internet research.  I have occasionally booked a hotel specifically on the basis of their chairs and furniture.  Often, hotels have chairs with solid backs without any tie down points, so I try to avoid that whenever possible.

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Some hotel chairs have more tie down opportunities than others. Try to scout out pics of the room online to see what sort of chairs, tables, closets, etc. they have. Do keep in mind the pics may be outdated, or that furniture can vary depending on the sort of room you get (single, double, suite, etc.).

UPDATE:  Occasionally I get surprised with a closet wardrobe, but I can find ways to put them to good use.  As you can see.

In terms of packing gear, I’ve found those large ziploc “big bags” are pretty ideal.  (Note:  UPDATE below.)  They’re pretty durable, and you can keep your regular packing and your kink packing separate.  This one is their “Large” size, and it perfectly fits a Hitachi Magic Wand (which you can get here or here, and a cordless version at Stockroom–just note the cordless version must be fully charged before it will work)  and other gear.  They also sell XL and XXL and up, but the Large size fits well into most carry on luggage, so that’s my personal preference. That said, the Large size can be the trickiest one to find… I’ve found a lot of stores only carry the XL and up sizes, so you may have to scout around a bit or order them online, such as Amazon.  I ended up finding mine at Lowe’s, hardware chain in the USA, but even they didn’t have many, so your experience may vary.

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The marks on the right of the bag are centimeters. Not sure why they put that on there, but I’m sure it could come in handy for something. It goes up to 34 centimeters, in case you’re interested.

Keeping your equipment  in it’s own ziploc makes it very easy to grab your gear quickly, without having to dig through your bag (“Now, where did that muzzle go?”).  And once done, it has the added advantage of containing any drool, lube, or cum they may have acquired through usage away from your regular clothes. If you wanted you could have separate bags, one for restraints, one for gags, and one for toys.  For the sake of saving space, I try to cram it all into one, but one is certainly not limited to that.

Speaking of Hitachi Magic Wands (and I highly recommend them–did I mention there’s quite an array of attachments available for them?), if you decide to use the corded version, having at least a 3 foot extension cord comes in helpful way more than you’d think.  Often, the outlets are not conveniently located next to the bed.  Believe me, you don’t want to be all ready to go with your victim securely bound, only to realize the cord doesn’t reach them.  I speak from experience here.

UPDATE:  One problem I had with the ziploc bags was the unpacking for the scene.  It can get very messy.  I’ve since tried out these eBags Slim Packing Cubes (which can also be found on Amazon), and they’ve been amazing.  I got this assorted size pack, and it’s made the unpacking a breeze.  I just put the bags in a drawer, and unzip.  And they fit perfectly into my luggage.  The Hitachi Magic Wand fits inside the large bag without a problem.  Only small catch:  since the top is a mesh, items with prongs (like a wartenberg wheel) are best put in a small ziplock inside the bag so they don’t snag.  And when I do have a large item to carry, such as a leather sleepsack, I do put that in the large ziplock.

Some of you really may wonder if I put all this in my carry on bag when traveling via the airport.  The answer is yes.  Even in this day and age, in the USA, traveling with bondage restraints and gags in my carry on bag has never presented a problem for me with TSA security.  Ever.  I’ve even traveled to Europe with bondage gear in my carry on bag and had no problems.  I would hesitate to bring a gas mask in a carry on, as well as spreader bars, because they could be interpreted as weapons.   I did once forget I had some metal spreader bars in my bag, and while they let them through, in one airport, they did get questioned.  And other destinations may have other regulations.  But the USA, after maybe at least 10 different trips with bondage gear in my carry on bag, I’ve only been stopped that one time I had the spreader bars.

If you really want to be sure, here is the current page to the TSA Prohibited Items list.  As you can see, well over 95% of the list are items that could be direct weapons (knives, firearms, flammables, etc.).  There is even a search box where you can ask, “Can I bring my…?”  Although at last check, it didn’t recognize “bondage”, “gag”, “sex toy”, or “restraint”.  But it did recognize “rope”, as well as “handcuffs” (!), and it did say that it’s perfectly fine for checked or carry on luggage, as well as “Adult Toys”.  All that said, I should also add that I pretty much only bring restraints and gags, and some sensory play items, including Wartenberg Wheels.  I am not bringing whips, chains, and the like.  That could be a different story, and may be better suited to checked baggage.  And yes, lube still has to fulfill their 3-1-1 rule, so don’t bring a bucket of it in your carry on bag.  UPDATE:  This is still true!  Never been stopped once. 

You will see me put many of these pointers to use in some upcoming posts.  Hope it helps you out!

How to meet kinky people

How to meet kinky people

I can’t take credit for this article, but I think it’s a good one.  I also really like the tips they make about when you’re meeting a person for a kinky meet for the first time… very sound advice that all beginners should read. This is the intro:

Are you going to die kinky and lonely?

Finding a partner is hard enough in the vanilla world. But it can seem impossible in the kink world. You want to find a quality partner, but you want to find someone who meets your unique needs. It can be hard to know the best path because most of the information out there targets vanilla relationships.

If you find yourself asking any of the following questions, this article is for you!

  1. What do I need to know before getting started?

  2. Do I have a better chance of meeting someone online or offline?

  3. Where do the kinky people hang out?

  4. How should I approach a potential partner?

  5. What steps can I take to stay safe?

 

It’s long, but split into sections, so you can easily scroll and find what interests you.  Topics include:

  • Kinky online dating
  • Finding kinksters in real life
  • Making a good impression on a first kinky date
  • Negotiating sex play (which includes the fantastic advice of just because someone identifies as a sub, doesn’t mean they are your sub… treat them with respect until they have given consent otherwise)
  • Introducing kinky into an existing vanilla relationship

 

You’re Not Alone: Finding a Kinky Partner

Blogs are fantasies

Blogs are fantasies

I was speaking with a young cyber slave who recently found me online.  And during our conversation, I asked him if he could post some of the pics he sent me.  He replied:

Well it’s a little too revealing to post just yet Sir

I feel like a bad slave saying you can’t

I responded:

You do have some rights as a slave, believe it or not.  🙂

And his reply:

Wow thank you Sir!

I have always been told I don’t have rights Sir

That was a bit frightening to me, and it reminded me of some of the rants that tallglassofoj had been making.  So I want to remind all newbies to the scene:  what you see on blogs and tumblr is often a fantasy.  Not reality.  Or at the very least, taken out of context.

For instance, take a picture like this, which is (rightfully) quite popular.

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It’s hot.  And most of us would see it, think it’s hot, and want to try it.

Here’s quite possibly the reality:  it probably took at least a good 20-30 minutes (I’m guessing, I wasn’t there, but it’d probably take me about that long) to set that up.  It’s a process.  First the arms got tied.  Then the body harness.  Then the muzzle.  Then the beginning of a very intricate suspension.  What do you do while getting tied up?  Depending on the scene, maybe nothing–just be an obedient sub.  But often, small talk.  Frequent check ins (“Is this too tight?”).  A joke or two.  The TV may be blaring in the background.  Probably not what you initially fantasized at all when you first saw it.

Going back to the conversation I was having with the young cyber slave, there have been a few various articles I’ve seen floating around tumblr that depict the fact that slaves do, indeed, have rights.  And if you’re in a proper Master/slave relationship, it’s actually a give and take situation on both ends.  A good Master needs to be attuned to what the slave is into, and what’s a limit for them.

The impression that a slave relationship is 24/7, or that a slave has no rights may sound hot in passing, but the reality is quite different for most.  Communication and consent are key, and both sides need to be very clear about what they are each looking for.  And if the slave is not happy, they have the right to say so and/or get out of the relationship.

That is not to say that there can’t be 24/7 relationships, or ones where a slave gives himself up completely to a Master.  But in those situations, I’d hope they’d come from an extended period of working together, knowing each other, and building trust.  They don’t happen overnight, they take time.  Certainly not on a first meet.  And a quick post seen on a blog or tumblr generally isn’t going to be able to depict the entire backstory of what led up to a particular scene.

What often gets presented on blogs like mine and tumblr is a fantasy.  It’s meant to be hot, get your off, maybe give you some ideas and thoughts about a scene.  But to fully execute anything you see online, realize there is a fuller back story–a beginning, middle, and end of communication.  And whether you’re a slave or a Master, don’t be afraid to speak up.  Your own safety and comfort level are important, no matter what role you play.

TFG Tips:  DIY Door Bondage Straps

TFG Tips: DIY Door Bondage Straps

Since I can’t host kinky meets at home because of my husband (he doesn’t want his location known to people he doesn’t know, which I feel is fair), it means most of my meets have to happen in hotels.  Which can limit the bondage opportunities a bit.  I actually did a post about what sort of bondage can be done in hotels, but one of the things that generally isn’t easily done in a hotel is standing bondage.

Then I remembered something that most non-fetish adult stores sell:  over the door bondage straps.  Now, I could’ve bought them online, but 1) I was in a hurry and wanted them for an imminent meet, 2) I didn’t really care for the neoprene restraints that seem to come with them, and 3) they just seemed a bit pricey for their limited use.  So what do I do instead?  Get creative.

A trip to the local dollar store later, and I think I had an idea.  I bought four 20 inch leather dog collars (the kind that buckle closed, like a small belt), very small cable ties (about 4 inches long), and a pack of sturdy plastic hair curlers.  I already happened to have some wide black electrical tape lying around, so I didn’t have to worry about that.  Total cost:  about $6-7 dollars.

Instructions:

Step 1)  I wrapped black electrical tape all over the outside of the plastic hair curler.  This was mostly aesthetic, but also to give it a bit more strength, as well as grip to keep the collar more in place.  Remember, that part will be behind the door anyway, so no one’s really going to see it.  But frankly, this is more of an optional step that could probably very well be skipped, and it’d still work fine.

Step 2)  Wrap the end of the dog collar around the curler.  Loop a cable tie through the collar as shown below, and then close the tie.  Pull it tight, and cut off the excess.

IMG_9127 IMG_9129

Step 3)  Do the same going around the other side of the collar, as shown below.

IMG_9128

That’s pretty much it!  The collars I found had a small hook at the end that would be for the leash to attach to.  So this does presume you have your own rope or restraints to lock or tie into that hook.

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Are they the highest quality ever?  Of course not.  But these are something I will only use from time to time, so they aren’t meant to be super durable over frequent use for a long period of time.  And believe it or not, it turns out they were surprisingly study.  I’m guessing they may actually last a while after all.  I made a total of four of them, so I can put two over the door for arms, and two under the door for ankles.  If you only want arms, then you can cut your expenses in half.

Happy DIY bondage!

Bound Jocks Basic Training Videos

Bound Jocks Basic Training Videos

If you haven’t seen them already, Bound Jocks has a You Tube site where they not only interview some of their models, but they give great instructions on how to do many different ties.  This jockstrap gag tie is one of the most inventive things I’ve seen in a while, and it’s so easy… I love it!  Can’t wait to try it out on someone.

But there are plenty of rope ties as well.  Here’s a lengthy hogtie video.  I’m obviously partial, because it shows a lot of feet.  😏

Here’s a link to their uploaded video page, which you should all have fun exploring:

https://www.youtube.com/user/BoundJocks/videos

It makes me feel a bit better, because while I don’t really consider myself a very good roper, I am using some of the techniques they mention.  Maybe I don’t give myself enough credit after all.

 

TFG Thoughts:  New music discovery!

TFG Thoughts: New music discovery!

Quite a while ago, I posted that my husband and I typically have sex in silence–meaning, we’ve never put on any music.  My husband does have a thing for silence in that respect, so I didn’t think it too unusual.

But recently, before we were about to begin, he mentioned if I had anything to listen to, because he had a song he couldn’t get out of his head, and it would have distracted him from sex.  I found a playlist on my iPod that I typically use when I want something to energize me and keep me focused, but not distracted.  Turns out it was pretty damn good kinky sex music, too.  They’re strong beats with a bit of an industrial vibe, and no lyrics to distract you.  Plus, the songs average 4-8 minutes long, so it doesn’t run short easily.

We used Death of a Typographer by Byetone, and Primate by Tommy Four Seven.  A few sample songs are embedded below.

What about you… what music do you like during kinky sex? Contact me and let me know.

TFG Tips:  Hidden Camera for iPhone

TFG Tips: Hidden Camera for iPhone

If you follow my twitter, you may notice I love taking candid pics of guy’s feet.  How do I do this?  With an app on my iPhone.

There are many to choose from (just search for “hidden camera” apps), but the one I prefer so far is called SpyPic.  It displays a dummy screen to your phone so that it looks like you’re doing something else, but just touch the screen, and it will take a picture.  The picture will be slightly transparent (the degree of which you can control) so that you can see through it and get idea of the shot.  It comes with a few dummy screens already, but you can create your own.  I’ve found either something that looks like a shopping list (very handy when at the grocery store or Target), or a partially filled game of soduko, works best because they are screens you can just stare at for a long time.  In fact, when I’m with my BF and I break it out, I tell him I’m “playing soduko”, and he knows exactly what I’m doing.  And since I’m taking pics of feet, the angle of the camera is quite natural, and doesn’t cause any suspicion (though sometimes you have to stand in semi-near proximity).

All the pics in this post were from this app.  These are some of my personal favorites.

#candidmalefeet

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The feet in this pic belong to a well known kinkster. Any guesses? Hint: he also likes feet.

As you can see, the pics in natural light turn out better.  The only downside to the app is that it hasn’t been updated in a long time (last time was 2011!), and the pic quality could be better.  There also seems to be a small bug where it occasionally defaults to the front camera, giving some unintentional selfies.  But even with those flaws, I’ve still found it amazingly useful.  As you can see.  🙂  If you search for “hidden camera”, lots of apps will come up, although they all vary in quality, and most don’t seem to be that good.

If you have IOS 7, another way to take “spy pics” without the need of an app has posted here: http://ios.wonderhowto.com/how-to/take-secret-spy-photos-videos-ios-7-using-your-iphone-5s-camera-app-0149232/.  The downside to it is it could take a bit to set it up, and you would be taking pics rather blindly.

One small word of caution:  many of these apps don’t disable the “click” noise built into the cameras.  That’s pretty hard wired in.  However, I tend to keep my phone on the lowest possible volume anyway, so when taking candid pics in public spaces, there is enough background noise so that it’s never noticed.  Still, if it does bug you, or it’s deathly silent, remember to put your phone on mute.

Online Dating and Hook-Up Safety Tips

It never hurts to be safe.  If you want some tips on how to meet people, both online and in person, this site (recommended by Metalbond) has some good advice.

http://www.avp.org/resources/avp-resources/96

Also, don’t forget the resource Kitestring could be a good option as well.  I wrote about it earlier here, but it is sort of a timed text message that will be sent out if you’re not heard from.