Tag: thoughts

Another “Faggot” post

So I’m mentioned my thoughts on the word “faggot” many times before.  And I recently came across a great quote that ideally describes my attitudes about it:

I’m just huge into degradation in the bedroom. If I’m not dominating you – you need to be dominating me. Mouth covering while pounding. Calling my partner a faggot while he looks up at me sucking my cock. I’m not a sexual romantic and it’s my policy the F word is made for the bedroom only.

That last line really sums up my thoughts–“the F word is made for the bedroom only.”  Who said this?  Believe it or not, but  it was from Chris Crocker.  For those who don’t recognize the name, he was most infamous for the “Leave Brittney alone!” video.  He’s now become an adult entertainer, and was interviewed at Gay Demon.  I actually think he’s turned out pretty damn cute, and does have some pretty hot feet.  You read the entire article here.

That said, I know many people still don’t agree. I just ran across this vlog entry from the amazing Leather.Bondage.Love blog where he discusses not only how much he dislikes the word, but also rants a bit about elitist attitudes in the bondage community.  That’s a whole ‘nother topic, and he is pretty harsh about it, but I generally agree with most of his points.  Plus, you get to see his very, very sexy foot at the end of the vid as a bonus.

Still, since this blog focuses on bedroom-style content, I will use it here from time to time, and keeping in mind that it’s in that context, I’m perfectly fine with it.  I won’t go over the top, but I do find it hot when used in those terms.  But outside the bedroom, though–no.

Who knew Chris Crocker would put my thoughts so succinctly?

TFG follow up: Despression in subs

My little post last week really affected a few people.  I got a number of responses the same day I posted it, and with their permission, I’m sharing some of them here.

Sparkles J. Dog wrote:

The blog was called “Master and His Slave” I think. I loved that blog and hearing about their experiences and I’m really sad the pup/slave removed it because of everything that happened between him and his Master. [I’m quite sure he’s correct about this –TFG]

I’ve been dealing with depression as a sub for years now. Earlier in our relationship, my depression would cause a lot of friction between my Master and I and often led to me feeling guilty about my submissiveness and interest in BDSM. A few years ago, Master got me in to start talking to a therapist and started some anti-depressants–currently taking Bupropion and between that and therapy I’ve made a lot of progress.

With the anti-depressants I actually managed to turn my submissiveness from being something I felt guilty about to one of the few parts of myself I was okay with; it became part of my support, part of me that didn’t need to be tweaked because it was the part that made me the happiest.

Still working on myself and it probably will never be perfect, but between Master, BDSM–especially puppy play–and therapy, I’ve become a much happier pup and would really hope that anyone who’s suffering finds a way to get some kind of help to get them to a better place in their lives. Everyone deserves a chance to be happy!

Another response I got on the same day:

Hello. Im wrting from Spain. Iim into feet, tickling…things like this. I think the problem of depression is the fact that we live in a world that doestn let us to play. Just working and workiong, can make us understand that play is out. For me, playing (sexually or not) is just the only thing we can do to be happy. When we stop it, our body doesnt understand waht is happening, and suddenly, one day: depression, sadness…
the only thing we have to do is to fight to make dreams come true. Always with limits, always with flying.
Cyber things are good, but we cannot do all just typing…
thanks for reading.

This reader surprised me by sending me a pic of his feet in a box, which I do find oddly hot.  (Again, he gave me permission to post the pic.)  May have to try that one day.  And the feet are pretty soft and sexy, too!


I’m certainly no psychologist, but I do wonder if the submissive nature of at least some subs may be a sign of low self-esteem issues.  Certainly not all–but for a fair number, this could be the case.  Perhaps they’ve had a difficult time earlier in their life, suffering from emotional abuse, and being told they’re worthless may actually be all they know, and in an odd way, gives some familiar comfort.

For me, when I’m feeling submissive, it’s typically because I’ve been in various positions of authority at work.  When you spend all day barking orders to people, it’s actually comforting to let others tell you what to do.  But clearly, this is not a universal feeling, and the reasons for people being submissive can vary.  Unfortunately, not all of them are necessarily healthy.

I do hope that no matter what a person’s reason may be for being submissive, the nature of being so explicity dominated may be cathartic.  I think this pic I found on tumblr a while ago sums it up.

Photo Mar 31, 6 21 08 PM


Foot Fetishist Arrested

So a couple of weeks ago, this article appeared in my local paper.


In case you can’t access it, or it’s down by now, I’ll quickly summarize.  This article talks about how a guy at a roller skating rink got arrested for engaging in foot fetish play with over 200 young underage boys. Granted, most were decidedly younger than anyone ever posts in blogs I generally visit, but let’s remember that in the eyes of most laws, 9 years old, 12 years old, and “almost 18” but still 17 are all still considered underage, and would have the same penalties.

The guy accused is only 19 himself, but even so, he should know better. Courts seized his laptop and phone, the latter of which had videos of him and the underage boys. Imagine if he had links to certain sites, blogs, and tumblrs, and it was shown they often posted pics of underaged guys. Things could go downhill very quickly for those sites.

I do get bothered by sites, blogs, and tumblrs that routinely post pics of underaged guys.  Sometimes when a pic has no identifying marks, you just have to make a judgement call, or just decide not to post it at all.  But there are a few sites that post pics of guys that are clearly under 18.  It’s uncomfortable to me when that happens.  Not only on behalf of the person whose pic is posted, but also for the viewer who could get into legal trouble themselves if they should save that pic to their own computer without thinking.  These are real people in these pics, and just because they’re being passed around online doesn’t necessarily mean it was with their permission, and that the known age of the model is legal.  That’s part of the reason I like to leave tags on pics from credible sites; then you can be assured the models are of legal age.

I try very hard to be careful of every pic I post.  If anyone under the age of 18 has even been posted here, it has been a terrible accident, and please let me know immediately so I could take it down.  A good lesson to us to all to be careful what you post, and who you play with. It can matter.

TFG Thoughts:  Meeting other kinksters

TFG Thoughts: Meeting other kinksters

I recently got this question recently in an email (quoted with permission from the author):

I have a bit of a personal question if you don’t mine me asking. I’m 25 and very tired of dating vanilla guys and I’d like to get in touch with the local kink community. I was wondering if you were involved in your community and how you first began. And do you have any advice to someone just starting or even where to begin?

My response is below (edited a tiny bit for privacy reasons), and I thought it’d be good to share it for others seeking the same advice:

I don’t mind you asking at all! I’m not sure where you’re from, but I’m probably suggest either Recon or Gear Fetish or anything similar that catches your fancy. Now, like any social network, you’ll get to talk to a lot of guys, but when it comes to actually meeting, it somehow becomes a lot more difficult–flake out factor can be high. But just keep trying, and do trust your instinct. And also meet new people in a public space first, so you can get to know them before being alone with them tied up–that would be a bad time to realize someone may be a little nutty in person.

Aside from my online presence, I’m not super active in my local community. Mostly in my case, this is because of personal privacy issues with both myself and my boyfriend (who is even more paranoid about this sort of thing than even me). We did once get a membership to a local bondage club, but we only ended up attending one actual event. This was mostly because our schedule never really lined up, and over the years, we more or less ended up acquiring the same equipment the club had, giving us less incentive to go. However, if you can find a local club near you, I’d suggest it. Many times, the clientele will skew to a bit older [Note, remember the writer said he was 25–TFG], but it won’t all be that way, and most credible clubs have very clear rules about approaching others and making sure you consent before any play happens. I suspect if you just google “bondage club” and your local area, something will come up. I wouldn’t even necessarily put “gay” in the term, because many clubs are pansexual, or have a separate gay night.

hostel-3My personal story was a lucky crap shot. I was looking more for a long term relationship, and kink was not required (although I was playing on Recon on the side). Ultimately I met my BF on vanilla website (such as Okcupid, onegoodlove, match, etc.)  and by pure luck, it turns out he was kinky as well. It came out early on because both of our profiles said we liked horror movies, and at the time, the movie “Hostel” was brand new. I remarked that any movie with a guy ballgagged had to be good, and he sort of figured it out right there. Over the years, our interests are very similar, although they don’t overlap completely… he’s not into the slave scene or verbal humiliation at all. Nor is he into feet, although he does indulge me with my own smelly socks and shoes (his feet as well, although they’re often not smelly, which is a bit of a bummer for me). So I do still occasionally meet guys on the side for bondage/feet photo shoots for the blog, but I don’t have sex with them, and he does know about it. I wouldn’t quite call it an open relationship, but I do get to play at times.

I hope all that helps! Best of luck to you!


TFG Thoughts: Gay Political Thoughts

There’s been quite a bit of gay news in the mainstream media lately, and I’d like to share my personal views on a few of them.  I hope you can leave a comment, but that still be having some technical issues, so if it doesn’t work, email me, and if I get enough responses, I can do a follow up post of reader feedback.

Sochi Olympics

It goes without saying that the current anti-gay laws in Russia are abhorrent.  But at the end of the day, I have to support our athletes who have trained and dedicated their lives to their passion.  They shouldn’t be punished because of an unfortunate choice of venue that was out of their control.  I think we need to give them as much support as possible, and separate their work from the host country’s laws.  I hope they do get to sneak in some protesting if they can and are comfortable doing so (and I love what Obama has done in sending an all gay greeting committee–that was a perfect call).  And Russia should be called out for their actions.  But don’t let it interfere with the athletes themselves.

On a side note, it does make me wonder about some of those gay Russian porn sites (of which some bondage ones have been coming to light).  It’s sort of implied that if they’re real, they’re literally putting their lives on the line.  That’s something to think about.

Duck Dynasty

To be honest, this is just not my sort of show, so I never really watch it anyway.  I think what he did say was revealing, and what’s not talked about as much is he said things that were very racially insensitive–even more so than homophobic, if you ask me.  Should he be allowed on the show?  While I don’t like his attitudes, I do have to admit he has a right to say them.  And at this point, I say let him, and let him reveal his ignorance on his own terms.

The rating of the show have been dipping anyway, although I personally don’t feel it’s necessarily due to this controversy.  I mainly think people are just getting tired of it, and suspect the ratings would have been down even if there had been no controversy.

post-12-0-67820200-139039443218 yo Porn Star Suspended from school

So it seems this cutie got suspended from his school when his gay porn career came to light at his high school.  He was over 18 at the time, so it was legal.  Basically, I feel the school had no business in the matter unless it was actually interfering with the school climate.  He did say he was being harassed somewhat by students, but the Principal allegedly claimed he was going to bring a firearm on campus, which seems to be false.  As far as I have found out, he did it to support his family, and his mother was actually grateful for him taking action.

I often do feel schools tend to exhibit a sense of dictatorship over how students behave, and it often overreaches in misguided ways.  For instance, stories you hear about a 4th grader being suspended because he made a gun shape with his hand and the school has a “zero tolerance” policy.  We need to remember that sometimes the best way for kids to learn is for them to let them make mistakes–personal experience can be the best instructor of all.

Another discussion on this topic is weather 18 year olds are really fit for porn at all.  As I once heard, age is not a year, but an attitude.  There are 18 year olds that are perfectly capable of handling it.  And there are older actors that are not.  Once they are legal in the eyes of the law, the decision has to come from themselves.  I would hope they would be aware of all the consequences of their actions.  Some do, and admittedly many don’t.  But it doesn’t mean there should be some sort of blanket policy for all aside from what the law already states.

Justin Bieber

Okay, he’s not gay that I know of.  But I lump him in here because his pics do show up on many gay sites, including mine.  Yet he also does seem to be a troubled guy with a lot of newsworthy behavior of late.  So many gay sites are reluctant to post pics of him.  To a certain degree, even I am, although I know I have in the past.  On a purely physical level, I do find him hot.  He has nice eyes, nice body, and nice feet.  But as a person… well, he does seem to be going down the wrong road, and I don’t really want to encourage that.  And his behavior is making him less attractive as a whole.

I may continue to post pics of him I find sexy, but I can imagine that may happen less and less often.  I do hope he gets some help.  It’s even more depressing, because this sort of thing has happened before with so many young celebrities.  But can you imagine how you would turn out if you had all that money, entourage, and the ability to do basically whatever you wanted in your teen years?  I doubt most of us would have turned out much better.


Are there any other topics I should discuss?  Let me know!




TFG Thoughts: Coming to terms with FAGGOT

(UPDATE below)

So I’ve talked about this before (initially here and a follow up here), and after some time, I think I’ve now realized that I sort of enjoy calling slaves faggots.

I’ve actually been talking with my favorite (cyber) slave, SBS_justin, for a long time now.  And he totally gets off on humiliation of any form.  And calling him faggot is something we both get turned on by.  To be honest, I wasn’t comfortable saying it right away.  It took me a while.  But after a lot of other verbal domination, and getting to know him over an extended period, it just seemed time.  I was actually a bit nervous the first time I called him that, even though it was just a cyber session.  But I relaxed almost instantly, because I saw how much it puts him in a total submissive slave space.  And he totally gets off on it–don’t you, fag?

That said, it’s obviously got to be in the context of a scene, and it would have to be mutually agreed upon by all parties that the term was acceptable. To me, if I’m writing about it here or talking with someone who’s interested in slaving, then it is meant as a verbal tool of humiliation. Much like bitch, slave, whore, boi, etc. Name calling and verbal domination is something I find quite sexy if the other players are in on it, and I have to admit that I do get off on it a bit if I know they do.

That said, I know it’s not for everybody, so I’ll try not to use it often. But you will see the term here from time to time in a derogatory, but intended as consensual, manner.  If it does offend you, I can actually understand and respect that.  But there is enough of a kink population that does enjoy it (I mean, holy cow, look at the names of some of those kinky tumblrs–some of them shock even me) for me to use it on occasion.


UPDATE:  Apparently, the blog is having trouble allowing comments right now, but reader B. H. emailed me to say, “This is an interesting one. The gay activist in me hates the word, but in sexual situations as a slave, it is a turn on for me, almost like being dominated by a straight guy. I must confess to loving the online masters who make vids calling their slaves faggots.”

As far as getting comments and replies, I will look into it.  I was getting a lot of spam, so I enabled some filters, but it seems they may be too good and were blocking out real comments.

TFG Thoughts: Turn Offs

I’d say I’m a pretty open minded kinky guy.  And most kinky gay men seem to be pretty receptive to new fetishes, even if they’re not necessarily their own.  But everyone has their hard limits.  Typically, they’re fairly obvious ones:  blood, mutilation, scat (though I do know scat has it’s fans).

I certainly do respect nearly all kinds, provided they are mutually consensual (which does eliminate any child/underage related stuff–that is not consensual).  Even if they’re not my thing.  And I’m generally willing to try nearly anything.  Ass play is not a favorite of mine, but I do indulge from time to time.  I’ve never been properly whipped or flogged (nor even improperly, for that matter), but I’d be open to it.  I’ve also never drank any one else’s piss, but I’m not against watersports if the conditions are right.

However, not all kinks are for everybody.  I love CBT, and having my balls crushed or pulled.  But I got an email from one reader who actually gets physically ill from seeing pics like that.

I’d say aside from the same obvious limits of blood, mutilation, scat, and underage, I only have one major line in the sand:  sounding.  I almost can’t even look at it.  Sort of makes me cringe.  I certainly don’t think any less of people who do it… but it’s not for me.  I just get no pleasure from it, not even in the abstract.

What turn offs do you have?

TFG Thoughts: Music during sex

I grew up in a household where there was nearly always some sort of audio noise on in the background.  The TV was on constantly, and we always had the radio on in the car.  I remember that if we went out as a family, the moment we’d return home, we’d turn on the TV, just to have it on.  This seemed normal to me.

Then my next couple of BFs had the opposite view.  They could work and relax in dead silence.  It was the strangest thing, and it seemed so odd to me.  They could even drive with no music on in the car.  Mind you, they were fine with music and TV, but it wasn’t necessary for them to have it on in the background.  You’d turn it on to actively watch or listen only.

This took me a while to get used to.  We found compromise in tabletop fountains, which became my new best friends.  And I would spend a lot of time in my own office area of the house, so I could listen to at least some music.

Over time, I’ve actually come to appreciate the sounds of silence, so to speak, and I’ve found having background noise on is now something I can take or leave.  Never thought I’d be able to say that, but it’s true.

With all this background, you can imagine that during sex, we don’t play anything.  Out of all my relationships, only one ever played any sort of music during sex.  All my others have preferred silence.  Oddly enough, I sort of do as well, especially when barking orders at slaves.  I get more turned on by the sounds of mmmphing through a gag or the slurping of a cock more  than any other sort of audio.

However, I sort of feel I’m in the minority on this issue.  I’d be very curious to know what the rest of you do, or do not, listen to when having sex.  Please comment or email me!

TFG Thoughts: Is “That’s so gay” offensive?

Language is ever-evolving.  New words are constantly being added, and current words take on new meanings.  Gay is now one of those words.

Despite what the dictionary told us for years for many of us growing up, the word “gay” no longer has its foremost definition as “happy, lighthearted, or carefree” anymore, even outside our kinky circle.  The mainstream world basically now sees it as we do.  Perhaps at the chagrin of many Christians who now have to awkwardly explain many a church carol lyrics to small children who only know otherwise.

Case and point, the fairly recent news story of Hallmark selling yet another tacky holiday sweater, but with the words “Don we now our FUN apparel” instead of the proper word.  My initial reaction was that it was just a clever replacement of wording, done out of humor.  But then I got to thinking… I don’t think that was their intent.  They seemed to be afraid to use “gay” because of its current meaning, and offending conservative people.  In a way, I can’t blame them.  But by changing it, they offended a whole new segment of the population.  (Perhaps the best response to this I heard was from the radio show Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me, in which a panelist said jokingly that he was opposed to fun marriage.)

Now we have the expression, “That’s so gay.”  For those of you who may not realize, but this expression is being used by a lot of the young people (ironically, many of the same ones who express gay acceptance) as a term meaning lame, dumb, or stupid.  Should we be offended?

On the surface, it sure seems so.  It appears there’s an obvious linkage for gay=stupid.  Which, many fear, is not only offensive, but could be something that could be considered a form of gay verbal abuse.  Imagine yourself being a vulnerable, closeted gay teen, hearing that over and over all day long, even from your friends and maybe family.  After a certain point, would it affect you?

Personally, though, I’m not 100% convinced it’s as simple as that.  Believe it or not, I feel many young people who use this expression are creating an entirely new and separate meaning for it in their minds, and see no relation to the expression and any sort of homophobia.  Whether that’s right or wrong may be another issue, but the point is that I feel they don’t intend for it to be offensive to the gay community in any way.  After all, just because a person says “Oh my God” when they’re surprised doesn’t mean they are literally praying to the Lord in that moment.  It’s just an expression we say, where the individual words are devoid of their usual meaning in the heat of the moment.

I have to admit, I have said the expression myself a few times.  But I do now plan to stop.  Not necessarily because I personally feel it’s offensive, but I can see the other side of the coin.  And really, if something is that dumb, I’m sure I can come up with something more creative to say than a hackneyed, overused expression anyway.  Or maybe as Miss Manners said, if you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.

TFG Thoughts: There’s more to life

I think one thing that can sometimes make the kink community a little intimidating is that is seems there’s a lot of people who seem to center their entire lives around it. Absolutely nothing wrong with that if that is what makes them happy. But I imagine for most of us, it’s just not possible.

I love kink. But really, it’s not what defines my life. If I had to break my waking time down, I’d estimate:

  • 15% is spent on blog related work (including creating posts, browsing pics, answering emails, twittering, etc.)
  • 40% is spent on my work/day job (this can be a lot more)
  • 20% is spent with my BF
  • 10% is spent just relaxing/vegging out/”me” time (this sometimes includes the BF)
  • 10% is spent pursuing my non-kinky hobbies (this also sometimes includes the BF)
  • 5% is spent with friends (non-kinky)/family


So, really… kinky stuff only defines about 15% of my life. That’s 85% of my life dedicated to other things. Okay, some things with the BF are kinky, but perhaps surprisingly, not as much as you may expect.  As you either know or suspect, sex is only a small part of a long term relationship.

Actually, now that I think of it, 15% of my life on just the blog and kinky contacts is a fairly significant chunk, especially when you compare it to my time spent with family and non-kinky friends.  It’s semi-depressing when I see they only get 5% of my life.  Part of it is my schedule, and part of it is geography… I’m literally not super close to my friends and family, and driving in LA is a huge pain, as you know.  Sometimes just going 10 miles can take an hour or more.

About how much of your life do you devote to kink?