So last week, I outlined some of the frustrations of feelings of inadequacy in the bondage community. The sense that no matter how much experience you have, there’s always more to do. And that we tend to focus on what we haven’t done instead of what we have done. I described the feeling as mostly frustrating, and there can be a slight sense of always feeling a bit unfulfilled.
I did mention the positive side, and I want to focus on that aspect a bit more, as well as a way to help manage those feelings. And the biggest positive is just that… no matter what you’ve done, there’s always something else to do. While it can be frustrating, it can also be exciting. There’s always a new experience to look forward to and try. And not all of them have to be extravagant. It’s really not always necessary to re-invent the wheel. After all, let’s just remember that there are endless ways to experience the same thing. Just look at all these different ways to do a “basic” hogtie. And this is just a start.
24 Ways to do a Hogtie
Obviously, there are even more ideas than even this, but I think I’ve made my point. Each one will feel a bit different, and create a different experience. Some required equipment, and some just make do with rope. I had one guy tell me he loved how I tied big toes together. As a foot guy, it seems almost common sense to me. But lots of guys don’t really think about it, and are amazed at how much more restrictive it can be. This is where even experienced guys can still learn from “newbies”… they may not have the experience, but they do have ideas that may be new and fresh.
And this is the biggest way I personally like to channel my “Keeping up with the Joneses” feelings. I consider myself about an intermediate-to-advanced level of experience at best. Calling myself advanced is sort of pushing it. I don’t feel I’m the best or greatest or most knowledgeable by any means. But instead of lamenting what I’m missing (and don’t get me wrong, I still do at times), I instead turn to education. I believe it’s why I love to work with newbies. I love to see and hear the looks on their faces when I’m one of the first (or maybe indeed the first!) guy to tie them up. They look up to me, and in turn, I share my experiences with them and educate them as best I can.
On the practical side, newbies do tend to be a bit skittish. Some may be flaky, and while that can be true, if they are sincere, fear may be an honest part of their retreat. So to be blunt, I expect some unreliability whenever I talk to newbies. However, I think this blog as a whole fits that gap pretty well. Yeah, there’s some great bondage work done. But I’ve never forgotten my roots, and have never forgotten that I was a novice as well, and still do consider myself a novice in certain areas. I’m in the community, and I’m outside it as well, being so private and never attending events like IML, MAL, or Folsom. I hit the middle ground, and in a strange way, I’m proud of it.
