I recently saw this cartoon on twitter from BoomerSM (I’ll be featuring more of his work later), and was immediately struck by it.
Gear is great, not gonna lie. But this really struck me, because I think it reflects on how I Dom. Let me explain.
Personally, I feel my topping/rigger/rope bondage work is at an intermediate level. Better than newbies, but not nearly as intricate or good as much other work out there. While I enjoy roping, it’s not my strongest skill by any means.
Yet lately, I’ve been approached by subs who, based on pics I see in their own profiles, have experienced much more intense bondage than I feel I could provide. If I’m interested in playing with them, I’ll tell them that my own rope skills aren’t that great, and I don’t want them to be disappointed. Many have proceeded with the scene anyway.
And to my utter surprise, nearly all have said they had a great time.
What I think I’m beginning to discover and self-acknowledge is that my scenes are more than just the bondage itself. I try to find common ground between myself and the sub, and make the most out of verbal and humiliation (assuming they are into that… but if they’re willing to meet with me, they likely are). And that’s something you can’t always see in a picture… it has to be experienced. I’m willing to try new things, even if they’re not quite in my usual interests, if they’ll please the sub.
The best example I have of this is tickling. I don’t like being tickled, so before, I never had too much interest in it. However, many subs expressed an interest in being tickled, and now I’ve found I actually enjoy being a tickler Dom. Same goes for scat play… left to my own devices, it’s not an interest at all. However, a couple of subs have requested it, and I have to confess, while I’ve so far only teased around it and not yet done it “directly”, I’d be open to it (as a Dom) if the sub were into it. I view it as an extension of humiliation, which I do enjoy doing to subs quite a bit. Is it for everyone? Absolutely not, and I’ll respect that as well. But the point is, I can adapt.
I do have some of the usual hard limits (cutting/permanent marks, blood, women, under 18) and some not so usual (sounding, fucking, breath control). But outside those, I’m pretty open to nearly anything else, and have had a blast exploring scenes that are about more than just the bondage. It’s about the entire experience. And I believe I’m finding out this is where my strength as a Dom lies.
