So when I meet with people for scenes, it’s clear I’m taking pics with intent to post on my blog. I always discuss it with them to make sure they are aware. After all, many of these subs are coming to me because they’ve seen the work I’ve done here. There are some very rare exceptions of people that didn’t want any pics, and because I really wanted to play with them (usually straight guys–that’s hard to resist, haha), I honored that–but that’s very uncommon.
Typically, when I’m finished with a scene, I show the pics I took of them right away, so they get an idea of what I did. I later get their email, so I can send them the pics for their own use and final say of what can and can’t be posted.
I recently met with a very eager new guy, had a great time, and afterwards when I showed him the pics on my camera, he seemed interested in them. A few days later I sent him a friend request on Recon, which he accepted (I generally only send friend requests if I’ve met them in person). All signs pointed to him having a great time as well.
But then, when I then sent him texts for his email, they went unanswered. Keep in mind he had been excellent about responding to texts before, replying within hours or less. Now it’s been weeks. His Recon profile is still up, but he hasn’t logged on in a long time. I sent him a message there, and weeks later, it’s still unread.
This puts me in an awkward position. I have a bank of pics of him from our scene that are ready to posted to my blog, which he already tacitly approved. But I also feel I can’t really do anything about them unless I hear back from him. Or do I?
On one hand, he was familiar with my blog. He knew full well pics were going to be taken and posted. And I feel it’s not quite fair to me to be left in a lurch for my blog to have a get set of pics that are just left sitting on my computer. I put a lot of effort into my meets (as well as financial, as I pay for a hotel room), and I feel it’s not right to be left in the dark just because he’s stopped replying. I feel I have a right to post the pics, and as always, I will be very responsible about identity, cropping or blurring out face.
Of course, on the other hand, maybe I don’t have the right to post these pics. I do promise the sub has final say over what does and doesn’t get posted. I don’t know if I’d want pics of me posted without my permission. That being said, if I really felt that way, I’d also take the time to say so. But what can I do when the sub doesn’t reply back, and ghosts me?
This has nearly happened before with others, but eventually the subs did finally write back. And maybe this one will eventually as well. In the future, I now feel at the end of a session I’ll say, “If I don’t hear from you again, I intend to post these pics.” I don’t mean that as a threat–I still would be careful about identity–but just covering my bases, so I didn’t waste my time and money on pics I can’t use.
But hypothetically… if this sub never did write back, do I have the right to post his pics?
You should be able to see from Recon whether he has read your message or not, because the message goes “grey” instead of staying “red”. There is also a date on his profile where it will tell you when he has last logged on. Referring to these two places should tell you if he is there or not. If it was me, I would write to him that because he gave you his approval on the shoot day, you feel within your rights to post some of them, and you will disguise his identity. Give him seven days to reply out of courtesy but make clear that you will go ahead with the posting even if you have heard nothing from him. In future, have a simple release form for models to sign, so they acknowledge you have explained all about your site, and that they agreed for you to take the photos and to post them online provided their faces are obscured. Then you’re covered in future.
I had been texting via an app for a while, so I don’t know if he was getting my messages or not. I did write him on Recon, and it went unread for a very long time, but he did recently read it, and I followed up with a message on him there pretty much there. He still hasn’t yet replied, and if he doesn’t, I’ll tell him that I do intend to post his pics while being cautious of his identity unless he tells me otherwise. But yeah, next time, I feel I have to lay that out on the line at the start of a scene. I don’t want to do a formal contract as no one is making any money, but at least a verbal agreement.