Looking back, I’ve played with many subs over the years. Way more than I ever would have expected to, so I count myself lucky. Through them and their influence, I’ve really expanded and improved as a Dom.
At the same time, do remember I’m married. My husband, Sam (not his real name), is aware I have these meets, but, in all honestly, isn’t super excited about them. It’s not really an open relationship. However, he realizes that I do have some interests that don’t really overlap his (mainly smelly feet, and verbal slave play–neither are really up his alley). He does trust me and knows he’s the most important one to me, and does see much worthwhile come out of my blog, so he puts up with it. For safety reasons, he does know when and where I do my meets. By his own request, he doesn’t really want to know the specifics of what I do, or who I’m meeting. He prefers to keep it very separate.
But as I get to know some subs better after repeated visits (I do frequently socialize with them before beginning a scene), I realized one, which I’ll call Marco, has many, many (non-kinky) personal interests that completely overlap with my husband. And mostly interests I don’t have, at least not to the depth they do.
So after mentioning Marco to Sam repeatedly (this sub has a non-kinky twitter account that I follow, where he mentions many of the topics my husband enjoys), I finally realized that I think they should really meet. I’ve never had a sub get into my personal life, but at this point I had met Marco on four separate occasions, and they had all been incredible experiences. Plus, he and I had found ourselves being social just as much as doing scenes. And most of our social time, I would constantly find myself saying, “My husband was just talking about that.”
It took some doing, as our schedules are pretty tough to figure out, but long story short, we did finally all socially meet together. And, as I thought, Marco and Sam got along beautifully. While we haven’t had much of a chance to meet again, we’d all love to, so it’s in the cards.
The problem? About a month later, I was about to meet Marco for a scene. I told Sam, and he made a funny face. “I had forgotten that’s how you met him,” he said. “I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that if we’re all going to be social with him.”
I do get it. From his point of view, it’s got to be awkward to spend time socially with a guy who you’d know your own husband had spent intimate time with–especially when it’s not officially traditionally open relationship.
Fortunately, and, I and Sam, both really enjoy this sub’s company, so for the moment, we’re just going to remain friends for a while. Once some time passes, my husband and I will revisit the topic and see how things are going. To add complications, Marco doesn’t live very close to us, so getting together even for scenes was tricky, and typically only happened once or twice a year at best. But he does often find himself in our direction for social, so we’ll see if that pics up.
It’s a tough decision, and not one I’ve been in before. Marco is one of my favorite subs, and I’ve grown a lot as a Dom with and because of him. I don’t really want to lose him. At the same time, it’s quite special for all three of us to be together and social. Perhaps in the future a compromise can be made, but for now, it’s time to just be friends.
