So I have a trip to San Francisco coming up in about a month. And you’d think that, being the mecca of West Coast gay kink, it’d be super easy to have your pick of hot guys meet up with.
But I’ve messaged about 10 different guys who appear to have very similar interests to me, and pretty much gotten little to no response back from any of them. And I’d get it if we didn’t have much in common, but all these profiles specifically mentioned they like feet and bondage.
Now, of course, I just may not be their type. Fair enough. At the same time, it seems like you’d expect a little bit more connection with people up there. It’s a bit disappointing. In my experience, I’ve found twinks in general can be on the flaky side, but I’ve also reached out to guys in their 20s and 30s, hoping for a bit more reliability. But no luck there either.
This is not to say they’ve all been flakes. There are a few guys I’ve been chatting with for a long time (years, off and on), and we are trying to set up a connection. And when I voiced my frustration to them, they weren’t surprised at all.
I’ve heard a few reasons for this, from guys up in the area. One is that while SF is kinky in terms of leather and bondage, there aren’t actually that many feet guys up there (at least, on a relative scale). So that already makes it a bit tough for me, as that’s my primary interest.
Another thing that was mentioned is that young guys up there have two attitudes: 1) they’re always trying to keep their options open for something better, and never really want to commit to anything and/or will flake out, and 2) “kink” for many twinks really mean vanilla sex with a harness on. These aren’t my direct opinions, but from guys I’ve talked to that live up in that area. And while I’m not up there enough to fully verify this, from my own limited experience (this is not exactly the first time I’ve had problems connecting with guys up there for scenes), I think there’s at least some truth to it.
I spank guys and have stopped dealing with any guys under 30 they are too much hassle asking the same questions over and over again then arranging a meet only for them to disappear offline.
I feel you there. I messaged mostly guys in their mid 20’s and up, but did message a few in their 30s. Like you, I wasn’t entirely surprised the younger guys didn’t reply, but was a bit taken aback that I got the same treatment from the guys in their 30s.
I moved from SF to Seattle and found that the gays in Seattle to be much less flaky. I find myself suddenly having more kinky dates than I used to in SF even though I am not putting in more effort. It is just hard in SF for some reason.