This is something that’s been on my mind since this post from July 2012, (with follow ups here and here, and many others–do a search for the word here on the blog). But as more people voice their opinions, my thoughts continue to evolve as others do the same.
To summarize, there is growing controversy over the word “fag/faggot” being used in a kinky, humiliation/degradation, verbal context. It’s seen quite a bit on many tumblr posts, and I will confess I’ve used it here from time to time.
I can totally see and understand why so many do not like seeing this word appear over and over again on their kinky tumblrs and blogs, especially as it becomes more prolific. For so many of us, it’s a very hurtful word that is/was degrading, and not in a pleasant sort of way. Seeing it become more pervasive is creating some backlash–which I don’t think is necessarily a bad thing. Many view the “f” word for our community as the “n” word for the African-American community. I totally respect this view.
My own husband detests the word, kinky context or otherwise. If I ever said that to him, even if he were in a slave role, it would completely take him out of the scene. So I never use it around him at all. He doesn’t consent to the word.
But consent is the key word. As SaltLakeFootman said in a recent tumblr post, it is a word that can get him off in the context of a scene. Because he has consented to have the word used in that moment.
As I wrote in one of my own earlier posts, it was actually a difficult word for me to once say, even in only with cyber slave scene. I really struggled with it, trying to decide if I wanted to cross that line. But when I did… I have to confess, I really enjoyed it as a Dom in the context of a scene, and the slave responded to it.
I have definitely talked to a large number of guys who do get off on being called that. Enough to make me continue using the word when it’s in context. Many have even thanked me for calling them that, even when I didn’t order them to do so.
I do realize that will turn some people off, so as a comprise, I try not to overuse it here on the blog. And I would never use it outside any kinky, verbal humiliation context.
