I know a lot of you are just looking at all this text, and just saying, “when is he going to post hot pics again?” Well, they will be coming back very soon, don’t worry. But since a blog is a place where I can vent, I’ve decided it’s one of those times to take advantage of it.
Today I came to the realization and admission that I totally fell in love with him. But not in a LTR kind of way. As a friend. Yes, I did obsess about him physically. And I still do. But truth be told, I think he would make a better fantasy than actual fuck. The real truth is he became more of a friend than a co-worker, and I never really knew it until now. And while I know he values my friendship as well, I don’t know if it meant the same to him–which is another facet of my sorrows. I don’t know if that makes it easier or harder to deal with.
Today I cried for him, listening to the song “Stay With Me” from Bette Midler. That’s the first time I’ve cried in a very, very long time.
But this all serves to remind me that I still love Sam (my LTR boyfriend) just as much, if not more, than before. At first, I was conflicted… “Am I falling in love with two people?” And I suppose, in a way, I was. But they were in different contexts. Sam is my one true, irreplaceable life partner. Josh is an equally irreplaceable friend.
For the record, Sam knows everything I have just told you here. I felt it was important to share my feelings with him; this was too big to hide. And he has been completely understanding and sympathetic. He actually got to meet Josh a couple of times, and has heard the stories about how much he meant to me. And the fact that he has been so supportive about it all only proves to me even more how much I love him. It’s helping me a lot in getting over this, which has affected me as much as a schoolboy getting his heart broken for the first time. I feel like such a dork, but I really can’t help it.
As I last left you, yes, I have managed to take pics of Josh’s feet before he left for college. But I have to say, due to privacy concerns, no, I’m not going to post them here, and I won’t be putting them on the site anytime soon. But I will tell you that I have posted a few of them on another site… if you’re a “friend”. That’s all I’ll tell you. And Josh… you will be missed. MFSSF.
