As you can see from the many posts and pics I have here, I’ve had the opportunity to meet with a lot of different guys. And I don’t know why, but I do have a soft spot for meeting younger twinks (well, that part isn’t a surprise, haha) that are newbies to the scene. For me, there’s something about trying up a guy for his first time that really excites me.
And while it’s thrilling, it’s not without it’s risks. Because those same newbie twinks can also be the flakiest.
I will state that I personally suspect most of the time (though certainly not always), they’re not deliberately flaky… but they get nervous. Something that sounds hot in the abstract (“Yeah, I wanna get tied up!”) suddenly becomes a lot more frightening when an arranged meet day actually approaches, and the abstract becomes something real… maybe too real. Especially to a newbie.
I know this because a few guys have told me this personally. When we talked in the beginning to establish limits and safety words, some have mentioned they nearly backed out due to nerves. I know it doesn’t help that I don’t send face pics… one guy told me he almost didn’t come because he imagined I was an overweight bald guy that wouldn’t be his type (nothing against overweight bald guys, of course–but for the record, it really is my body in all my own pics, and I’m not bald, haha). I suppose that could be solved by sending a face pic, but I do value my online privacy. In return, I don’t expect a face pic from them (though many do have them on their profile already). And I think that’s fair if I don’t show mine. While that has cost me some meets, my daily personal life is more valuable to me at the end of the day.
If a guy is interested in meeting and I’m receptive, I generally try to “screen” them with a fair amount of communication and messaging first. I’ve found that generally, if they’re truly interested, they are happy to talk about how the scene will go, and what will (and won’t) happen. Guys who fizzle out during messages are generally more likely to fizzle out for showing at a scene as well, so I don’t chalk that up to a big loss.
But every once in a while, even after as careful as a screening as I can do, I still get stood up from time to time. And for me, that really sucks, because since I can’t host at my home (out of respect for my husband, who doesn’t want people he may not know in our home and knowing our address–which is understandable), and the twink can rarely host, I have to get a hotel room. So if I get stood up, not only am I missing out on a scene, but I’m also out the $100+ bucks I paid for the room.
I do realize one possible solution is to meet with the new guy in a public space first simply to talk. I have done that on occasion, and it’s honestly a good practice, especially if the sub is particularly apprehensive. However, the reality is that between my limited schedule and theirs, it’s not always feasible. It’s a risk I often choose to take, because more often than not, my instincts are good. But even I do get stiffed (in a bad way, lol) from time to time. (It should also be mentioned that for safety and security reasons, when I meet with anyone, I always tell someone else where I am.)
Because of this, nowadays, I generally only meet with guys I’ve met before so I know they’re reliable, or I may try to schedule two meets in a single night… so that if one flakes, the other can still happen. Fortunately, that’s what happened this time… the early afternoon guy meet flaked, but the later evening guy showed up, so the room didn’t go to waste. Makes things even harder to schedule, but I really am getting too old to throw money away like that again.
