Saw this post on Bluesky from SELonSwitch, and thought it was worth sharing (and he gave me permission to do so). The main info is posted below, along with some follow up thoughts of his and mine.
Some of my own thoughts… do what works best for you. There’s always some trial and error, and also realize the vibe can change depending on the person you’re working with (as well as their and your own mood!) What works great with one sub may not work so well on another sub.
When I’m meeting a sub for the first time, I do a lot of discussion with them beforehand, and then further discuss in person before the scene starts (sometimes, what’s said online changes when in person, or you can ask follow up questions and set safety words). If someone isn’t interested in talking so much, I’d honestly be a bit wary about meeting with them. Even experienced players will have certain boundaries, and there’s really no way of knowing what they are until you communicate them.
I also really use the last point in #7… I will often “check in” with the sub in between different positions and moments in the scene. Simple, quick, and direct questions: “How is it going for you? Anything too much for you? Can I go further? I’d like to do…” Take in the answers, adjust your scene if necessary, and then continue. It really helps to make sure the scene is going to go well, and ensure everyone is having a good time. You can even tell the sub beforehand you plan on doing quick check-ins with them during the scene, so it’s not unexpected to them. And don’t take the feedback personally if the have a critique. You’re both working together to see what works for both of you, and sometimes mistakes will happen. It’s fine, as long as you correct them as soon as possible.
Should you get an opportunity to meet with the same sub repeatedly, this is needed less and less, as you are both getting to know each other and will likely have a feel about what worked for them and what and didn’t. There are a few subs I’ve met often enough that we have very little discussion, and just get right into things. But that developed over time, and even then, if I’m trying something new with them, I still may check in at the earliest opportunity.
Lastly, I think the best and ultimately simplest advice to becoming a Dom is just this: Do what you would want done to you if you were a sub. Those things you fantasize about? There’s a good chance the person you’re talking to fantasizes about similar things, which is why you’re hopefully talking to them in the first place! As long as it’s within their limits and interests, then go for it.
And their interests don’t align with yours, perhaps they just may not be a match for you. Doesn’t mean they’re a bad person, and doesn’t mean you are either. Just means you are into different things, without much overlap. When that happens, the meme I found below is helpful.
